


Define; Feel

by OnceAndFloral



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, It's after Do You Wanna Hang but there's a flashback, Mature just in case, Michael in the Bathroom, Multi, Panic Attacks, Sexual Assault, it's nothing graphic but i don't want to trigger anyone, non-con, tense conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-23 01:52:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11392896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnceAndFloral/pseuds/OnceAndFloral
Summary: Jeremy wasn't expecting to see Michael at the Halloween party.





	Define; Feel

**Author's Note:**

> TW: for non-consensual actions (it doesn't get to actual sex but I still want to warn you guys)

The world was spinning around Jeremy, threatening to knock him off his feet. He couldn’t stop, Jake might be right behind him. The scent of whatever alcohol Chloe had been drinking swirled around him, only making him more dizzy. He could still feel her hands running along his skin, resting on his thigh. Could still her voice echoing in his ears. Could still feel the panic as the squip refused to let him get up.

Oh god, he was panicking. 

Jeremy pushed the bathroom door open with his shoulder, nearly falling over when he lost his support. He slammed the door shut behind him. Fuck, fuck, fuck, make it _stop_. He felt dirty, filthy, couldn’t stop replaying that scene over and over again. Jeremy ran his hands up and down his arms in an attempt to try and ward away the feeling of _wrong, wrong, wrong…_

Something grabbed him and Jeremy _screamed_. There had to be someone here who could help him, someone who _cared_ enough to come when they heard his shriek.

“Jeremy?” Who was it? That voice was familiar, but Jeremy’s muddled brain couldn’t tell if it was comforting or bad. “Whoa, it’s me, Michael. Or did you forget me?”

Michael? _Michael_ , good Michael, who Jeremy hadn’t seen since September. Jeremy missed him. He was sitting in the bathtub, submersed in cans.“Y-You were… you were invited to this party?”

“Nah, that’s why I’m wearing my…” A dramatic pause. “Clever disguise.” Michael was in fact wearing a Halloween costume. Judging by the appearance, and the knowledge of Michael his half conscious brain supplied him, it was a sea monster of some kind. Jeremy tried to say something, but he was just glad to be basking in the familiar comfort of Michael’s presence. “Squip got your tongue?”

“It’s. Off.” And Jeremy was glad for it. He didn’t want to talk to the squip after what it just did. He looked Michael up and down, trying to memorize every detail as it would be the last time Jeremy saw him. It _might_ be the last time Jeremy saw him.

“That explains why you’re talking to me.” Michael sighed. “I’ve been thinking about what I was going to say. I had this whole pissed off monologue planned and now that you’re here none of it’s coming up…” He paused as he seemed to realized Jeremy was staring at him. “What?”

“I’m just happy to see you.” Michael didn’t seem to have an answer to this for a while. It didn’t take him long to find one though.

“You won’t be. After hearing what I found out.”

“Found out?” It was hard for Jeremy to piece together information with all of the sensations still skittering across his skin and the alcohol swirling in his head.

“About…” Michael tapped his forehead. Oh.

“There’s-There’s nothing on the internet-” Jeremy was quickly cut off.

“Which is weird, right? I mean, what kind of thing _isn’t_ on the internet. So I started asking around. Finally, this guy I play Warcraft with… Told me about how his brother went from a straight D student to a freshman at Harvard. You know where he is now?”

“Really happy and successful?” Jeremy hated to validate the squip’s actions after… earlier, but Jeremy needed it to get better. He rubbed a little harder at his arms.

“He’s in a hospital.”

“I-I don’t see what that has to do with-”

“Think, man! We’re talking about an insanely powerful super-computer. You really think it’s primary function is to get you _laid_?” At that word Jeremy’s spine turned to glass, thin, stiff and threatening to break apart at any moment. Michael was continuing to rant on, but all of the color and sound in Jeremy’s world had spun down to one point.

He was hyperventilating. He could tell because it was loud, too loud. It was the only thing he could hear besides the memories playing behind his eyes.

_”You’re jealous of Brooke!”_

_Chloe didn’t say anything for a moment, only slightly shifting her position on Jeremy’s lap. God, he wanted to get up but the stupid squip…! “Um._ Obviously _I’m not.”_

 _“That’s_ insane _!” Jeremy tried to make sense of everything but it was a little hard what with the overwhelming desire to_ get away _. “You’re the hottest girl in school!” Oh shit. “Did I just say that out-”_

 _He was forced to swallow his words as Chloe was suddenly kissing him. Jeremy’s eyes widened, his breathing picking up. He tried to pull himself away from her. Everything was burning, twisting, coiling uncomfortably inside his stomach. The squip, the squip could fix this._ ”Make it stop!”

“I don’t understand the request.”

 _Chloe was saying something, but Jeremy was busy internally_ screaming _to try and get the squip to fucking stop this. She pushed the bottle into his hands._

_“It’s not actually milk.”_

_No. Jeremy didn’t trust himself on alcohol. “I-I’m not really a big-” He couldn’t stop himself from suddenly taking a drink from the “flask”. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, LET HIM MOVE._

_Tears were threatening to spill down his face as the squip puppeted him into kissing Chloe. He just wanted it to stop._

“Jeremy? Just calm down, I’m sorry, I was a little too intense there.” Michael’s voice finally cut through the gauze surrounding his eyes and ears. Jeremy wasn’t in Jake’s parent’s bedroom, he was in the bathroom with over-sensitive skin and blurred vision.

“Not-not you.” Jeremy gasped. No matter how much he hand his hands along his arms, the ghostly touches refused to go away.

“Here, we should get you out of here…” 

Jeremy screamed as Michael took his hand. It _burned_ him, almost tossing him right back over the edge into the memories of Chloe. He threw himself into the door, shaking as a stream of pleas and apologies fell from his mouth. Jeremy had to get _out of here_

“Hey, Jeremy, wait-!” Michael tried to step between Jeremy and the door.

“M-Move it.” Jeremy couldn’t stop hyperventilating. His vision started going fuzzy at the edges. 

“Or what? I’m not going to leave you like this.”

Michael was the personification of everything Jeremy hated about himself. And he wasn’t letting Jeremy leave. All of the anger and resentment towards himself started bubbling up. He couldn’t stop Chloe, he couldn’t fight the squip and he couldn’t get Michael to just _leave him alone to protect himself_

“I said, get out of my way, _loser_!”

He wasn’t sure if Michael stepped aside or if Jeremy pushed past him, but he was out of the bathroom and back into the to-much-ness of the party. Everything was back to spinning. At least Jake wasn’t chasing after him again.

Jeremy needed a drink.

**Author's Note:**

> Well that was intense and written while I was listening to my sad playlist. I kind of wanted to draw a little attention to this and welp here it is. Also the title is from a tab I had pulled up the whole time so that's where that came from.
> 
> Catch me on tumblr as latenightbutterfiies


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